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Daily Tip:
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| Moving away.... |
| 08.31.04 (5:23 am) [edit] |
I'm redirecting anyone who cares to my other weblog, which I've been running in parallel with this for a while. If you want to know my reasons for abandoning TBLOG, leave a comment on the other blog, and I'll tell you.
If you've bookmarked this, please update before you forget!
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| Grumpy |
| 08.26.04 (1:15 am) [edit] |
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"Maul halten und weiter dienen"*.
Fine words to remember the day after an Annual Appraisal.
*"Grin and bear it and get on with the job" - Svejk
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| The Rural Economy. |
| 08.23.04 (11:49 pm) [edit] |
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The recent focus on Boscastle brought back a memory of nearby "Arthurian" Tintagel which doesn't show me in my best light. Some years ago during a holiday in Devon we found ourselves in the Tintagel Gifte Shoppe, full of Lancelot lampshades, Guinevere gubbins, Gawain gewgaws, and I'd had enough (maybe I was trying to give up smoking, I don't know). I made some remark, audible to all, along the lines of "how can they bear to sell all this crap? Everyone here knows its all just some nonsense got up to fleece the tourists, etc etc". The chap behind the counter replied almost mournfully, "we're just trying to make a bit of a living", and it came to me that this was just about the only employment in town. I felt so crass and boorish I almost bought a Sir Galahad mead goblet. Only almost.
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| Scenes from the sad |
| 08.23.04 (3:24 am) [edit] |
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I just realised that I finished "Breathing Lessons" only to pick up and start "Coming Up For Air". Odd coincidence.
Bad Smell going well - 6 out of 6 and 2nd in the league. Although I'll only dislodge the first place team with a gun...
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| Innocence, like, retained, you know? |
| 08.16.04 (7:01 am) [edit] |
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Just got back from a 2-week jaunt to SLOVAKIA... stuff & pictures tomorrow.
From the back seat of the SKODA, a genuine conversation - a 9-year old girl and a 7-year-old girl looking at a magazine or brochure...
9-y-o "She doesn't look like a real model, she looks more like a porn star"
7-y-o "What's a porn star?"
(2 adults in the front now agog for the reply)
9-y-o "It's, like, a model who doesn't wear a T-shirt."
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| 21st century man |
| 07.21.04 (7:05 am) [edit] |
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I think he probably means it. Wow.
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| The answer is probably only 42 if you can eat it. |
| 07.19.04 (5:33 am) [edit] |
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Battersea Park looks beautiful in the sunshine. A car enters. This squeaky sound: "Drink! Chocolate!"
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| Bootiful |
| 07.15.04 (11:31 pm) [edit] |
Bernard Matthews Wafer Thin Turkey Ham
It's time to out this stuff. My stepdaughter eats it by the ton: I think it's horrible and very suspicious.
What do we know about it (for our Canadian visitors, that's "what do we know aboot it")? What does it really consist of and how is it made?
I used to be a vegetarian but I'm 'cured' - har har- now; I have a horrible feeling I could easily get un-cured by too much information, but I'll risk it. So many of us are in denial about food production because we like 'Value' products too much. Sometimes the stone is lifted and we look away before we see what's underneath.
Having opened the can of worms (BOGOF offer at ASDA this week), it's fair to point out that said stepdaughter would starve to death without Bernard Matthews Wafer Thin Turkey Ham and The Captain's Chicken Dippers, so I owe these people a great debt.
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| Goats bricks and melinae |
| 07.15.04 (1:23 am) [edit] |
Do you have children? Do any of them talk, like, like this, right? It's, like, off the telly, innit, like? 'Coslike* if they like, do, you are now entitled to visit, like, reasonable chastisement upon them, right?
"I'll tidy my room tomorrow, right?" Yeah, right.
The Goat is Got. Discipline them with Bricks.
At a time like this I like to revisit old and trusted friends. Like a fine wine, or a familiar poem, this both sooths and inspires. I include this link because I suspect that somewhere on Planet Earth someone has not experienced it, and that is wrong. It improves and deepens with each visit, but nothing will match your first exhalation of joy. Ladies and Gentlemen:- Badgers. Play Loud.
*"coslike" is one word.
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| Why we blog, and international relations |
| 07.14.04 (12:23 am) [edit] |
Why we blog: Haddocktwat's angst and this piece come together nicely, and now we know part of the reason we do it.
A lot of the American citizens I come across in the streets of London and in other tourist spots are the stereotypical ignorant fat loud midwesterners in appalling red and yellow check trousers and "USS NIMITZ" baseball caps. "Where are you from?" I might ask, interested in which city or state. "Well boy", says he, winding himself up to full imperial height, "I'm from the [b]YEW - NITED STATES OF AMERICA[/b]". My God, I think, and there was me thinking you were Belgian :-). The combination of this experience and the horrorshow that is the US presidency at the moment (mis)-informs a lot of UK and European opinion of the USA. It's valuable to be in touch with normal humans who just happen to be Americans. And, of course, Yorkshire Canadians.
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| Hardboard |
| 07.12.04 (12:18 am) [edit] |
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It has come to my attention that I have an irrational hatred of hardboard. There you are: I'm out. It's not like the horror I have of the squeak of Expanded Polystyrene, to which years of therapy are starting to make me resistant, it's a kind of low-level dislike which I am only now beginning to fully realise and express. Yes, I know that hardboard is both VERSATILE and USEFUL - I have a good deal of it in my house: but it has a loathsome quality, hard to put into words. I hate the smooth side, and I hate the rough side. I hate the stuff that comes off it when you saw it. I hate its unique hardboardy brownness. I hate the special hardboardy noise it makes when you tap it with your fingers. I hate the way it goes all manky when wet. Am I unique in my lonely madness?
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| Against ignorance. |
| 07.09.04 (4:44 am) [edit] |
Today I pushed a letter through a doorway. Wouldn't normally blog a thank-you letter but as there's enough ignorance and prejudice in the world (in my town, in my street), this is my (very) little stand against it.
To The Council and members
Masjid E Noor
Dear Sirs
A short note of thanks for your kind help in providing access and parking for our guests at our wedding on 26th June. It was a neighbourly act which was of great help to us. I hope all our guests treated your premises with respect.
Once again, thank you.
Regards
The " Masjid E Noor " is a little mosque 3 doors down from us. Some weeks ago a gentleman from there knocked on our door and offered access for our garden workers via their car-park, having seen that the only other access we have to the back garden is through our own front door. Our conversation led to the offer mentioned above. We are not Muslim, nor ever likely to be. We may even have issues with the Muslim world-view. That doesn't stop us looking-out for each other. "How very When Saturday Comes", to quote my brother in a different context.
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| Man at work |
| 07.06.04 (9:16 am) [edit] |
This is a list of all the search items I've entered into Google on my work PC these last few months. At least 4 of them appear to be work-related...what on earth does it signify?
Alec Guinness
Alex W******h
Arnold Bennett
Arrow gif
Arseholes
Ascension Island
Bad Movies
Bagel toppings
Barton Rovers FC
Being Present
Belm
Bible text on-line
Bollocks
Books in 25 words
Brothers Grimm
Car hire Slovakia
Channel Tunnel Rail Link
Charles Dickens
Charles Rennie Mackintosh
Chav
Clooney
Composting tips and hints
Convert fluid ounces to metric
Daily.wav
Demographics
DJDE RFORM
Duke Humphrey
Edward Lear
Elgoog
Emerson
Flan Turbot
Flash Gordon
Font-size
Framley Examiner
Free sms
Galicia
Gates MacFadden
Gif
Gmail
Grainne W*****y
Handley Page
Harry Graham
Hattrick.org
Hendon Aerodrome
Hindustan
IMDB
Index On Censorship
Italian phrases
Javascript
Jimmy Pursey
John Westlock
Journey to The Centre Of The Earth
Jules Verne etext
Lane Miller
Lemon Curry
Light switches
Lollop greaves
London Eye
Lord Godolphin
mailto:
Map Of Slovakia
Martin D***y
Menace wobble
Measurements of liquid
Midland Mainline
Mongolia
Movies
New Opportunities and Horizons
News sites
Noises
Nonsense
Nonsense poetry
Nonsense poetry Hoskyns
Old grey Poet
Ornella Muti
Passport check and send
Passport renewal
Payment buttons
Paysandu ham
Peace Hospice
Pecksniff
Peru
Posh art critic
Precious Ramotswe
Private Eye
Punch Magazine 1888 Grossmith
Purtle Sline
Quotes by Fielding
Quotes by Swift
Rtext
Samantha B*****s
Scaryduck
Siemens A60 ringtones
Simon Dupree and the Big Sound
Sounds
Spaceship 1
Spaceship One
Speedy Motors
Spire
Spizz Oil
Spong
St. Swithin
Stewart Pearson Wright
Swift, Obituary
Swift, Quotes
Swiss Centre
Terry Gilliam
Text-decoration
Thameslink
That nice Mr Pillai
The Book Of Obadiah
The Galaxy Luton
The National Gallery
The Queen
The Song Of Solomon
Tobias Smollett
Unhappiness
University League Tables
Varnish
Vicar Of Trim
Voltaire etext
Wavis
Word Games
wuti
... wuti??? wot, me sober?
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| Wedding day: that speech in full. |
| 07.05.04 (5:16 am) [edit] |
It was a great great day: I think everyone enjoyed it a lot. What follows is the script of my speech in the garden - I digressed a bit, but only a bit.
" Ladies and Gentlemen - this won't take long - those of you who know me well know that I don't do this.. at least 3 of the others standing to speak this afternoon speak publicly for a living whereas I avoid it like, well, the plague.
I'm just going to say a few thank-yous, which I've written down in case I get seasick here:
-1st, thanks to all our friends and relatives for coming (sorry we couldn't arrange the weather better for you). The further you've come the more impressed I am.
- personal thanks are due to my new father- mother- sister- and brother-in-law, who've unfailingly made me feel welcome to their family right from the outset.
- thanks to Tracey, my "best man" - I've said it before, but she was a tower of strength a few years ago when I needed one, and her devious machinations played a big part in bringing me to this time and place, deny it though she may.
- To Sioux and Dan, who hosted my and Sam's first sudden skirmishes - Sioux, I know, has been a stalwart and loving friend to Sam in her dark days and since, for which my thanks are due.
- I know that, strictly speaking, the best man is supposed to say this but I think the bridesmaids look gorgeous. Well done girls. (I think that's what they call a "scripted ad-lib")
- Top marks too to William for giving his mother away. Don't worry, you'll get her back...
- There's a host of people who've helped out with everything from drain rods to flowers to cars to extension cords to chairs to fridges - too many for me to name but thanks to you all, old friends and new.
- 3 more:
- To illustrate our thoroughly modern and inclusive relationship, can I say a big thank you to a lady, and she's here today, who, as well as being a fine, fine mother to Kate and Heather has been immensely supportive to us, when she really didn't have to be? Ali, please continue to accept my respect and friendship, and Thank You.
- Nearly finally, the man who stepped into the breach when others let us down, who's spent more time here than I have lately, working until dark for not much more than a can of Stella and a smelly bed to get this garden and patio area ready for today, many many thanks to Buster, who said he'd be "staying in the background today, getting slightly pissed" - you do that, 'cos you're a star.
- Finally thanks to the beautiful woman who transformed my life, whose love I breathe every day. May I make you happy for the rest of our lives - Sam.
Can I get a beer now? "
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| 2 days left |
| 06.24.04 (1:34 am) [edit] |
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I get married the day after tomorrow. No wonder I can't get anything written down here. My Hattrick team went out of the cup 1-8 in the first round as well. They'll have to manage without me next week...
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| Passports and grief |
| 06.18.04 (4:39 am) [edit] |
Well... the passport story is completed this morning as I pick up my new one from the UK Passport Office.
It's been a struggle and I've had stress - not to mention a 'phone bill - that I don't need, but now I can rest assured that I can go on my own honeymoon, one week on Sunday. It's another unwanted lesson to me in how well I deal with stress and "officialdom", but it's also a lesson in how that officialdom deals with the public, and how hard I'd find their job. On both my visits to the Passport Office my attention was distracted by people on either side of me who were being knocked back simply because they hadn't read the forms properly and who were becoming vilely abusive to the staff. The punter is stressed because he needs his passport: this I understand because I had that stress. I had all (and more) of the documentation required, and 2 previous UK passports to back me up: I could show that I had taken it seriously, and still it was not easy. One person next to me yesterday had had her application signed by a croupier(!) and had not had her photo signed off by anyone at all and had filled in her form in blue ink, but still claimed it was the Civil Servant's fault that she couldn't get her passport that day. The desk staff keep coming back for more, 'cos it's their job. I don't know if I could.
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| Aarg. |
| 06.17.04 (4:29 am) [edit] |
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Just had to spread this squirm around.
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| European vote-o |
| 06.10.04 (5:45 am) [edit] |
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I was the only voter in the polling station. The presiding officer looked pleased to see me. The turnout's going to be pathetic isn't it?
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| War on terror since 1972 |
| 06.08.04 (4:41 am) [edit] |
"Will Inspector Sand please proceed to Basement n on the Kent side."
"All rail staff to maintain radio silence please."
I'm at Victoria station today waiting for the train to leave for the short hop to Battersea Park station, when these familiar harbingers of station closure due to a "suspect package" are heard. What are we on the train thinking?
(A) "Oh my God, we're all going to die."
(B) "Remember the time that guy was killed by a bomb in a waste-paper basket outside Smith's? How long ago was that?"
(C) "Get this bloody train out, it's late already".
If you answered (C) you're probably closest to the mark.
At the time of writing nothing untoward seems to have happened.
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| Site I like, and other matters |
| 06.04.04 (1:47 am) [edit] |
How nice to appear, however briefly, on the Old Grey Poet's blogroll.
In some ways I don't know why I enjoy the site so much because nothing much ever really happens - they move house, they go to Starbucks, they go to B & Q, legs ache and photos are taken. In most hands this would be a dull and self-centred affair, but it is written so well that it's always a pleasure. (Better than this rubbish anyhow! - ed.) It went "off-air" for a long time after being 'flamed' by some idiot or idiots, and it was with joy that I found it had returned.
If I were attempt something in a similar vein - I certainly have the family for it! - I know I'd never be able to sustain it.
Worry: I'm going to Capri on my honeymoon in 3 weeks and I'm still on the 'phone to people about the documents I need for my new passport, all because I stupidly allowed a name-change when I married the first time. Respect due to to Sheila at Redbridge Register Office for her fine efforts this week!
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| Nothing |
| 06.03.04 (3:36 am) [edit] |
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No post for over a week. Bad Boggins. Brother from NZ, wedding plans, guests, carnivals, broken systems. 23 days left!
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| Republican News |
| 05.26.04 (5:40 am) [edit] |
Today I was in Whitehall, waiting for a bus to take me to work when the street suddenly filled with Police motorcycles whistling and beeping, stopping traffic right and left. For what?
A black limousine sleeks past all the stalled traffic, big flag on the bonnet, elderly lady on the back seat. Age has its privileges but they wouldn't stop the West End traffic for my mum or for auntie Jean.
They're not The Queen, you see.
Queens, Princesses, Duchesses, Lord High Groom of The Royal Stool... can't we at last GROW UP as a society and send these people back where they belong?
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| 38 days to go! |
| 05.18.04 (11:47 pm) [edit] |
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| Feeding my inner nerd - hattrick.org |
| 05.18.04 (11:25 pm) [edit] |
The Geek Inside told me to sign-up to hattrick.org, and at the end of last week I got a team. I've called it "Bad Smells"(#7536), 'we' play at "The Drains", and so far we've played 1, lost 1.
I am very excited about my new Greek striker (good grief man, listen to yourself!). We've a friendly against a French team tonight and the Greek is on the bench.
If any other "HatTrickers" out there fancy a morale-boosting friendly win, come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.
I am not sad.
Pevsner (o.g.): 1
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Reading list 2k4
Pickwick Papers - Charles Dickens
Monstrous Regiment - Terry Pratchett
No1 Ladies' Detective Agency - A. McCall Smith
Poachers - Jim Franklin
Emotionally Weird - Kate Atkinson
Tears Of The Giraffe - A. McCall Smith
Scenes From Clerical Life - G. Eliot
The Mulberry Empire - P. Hensher
The Mauritius Command - P. O'Brian
Three Hands In The Fountain - Lindsey Davis
The Card - A. Bennett
Morality For Beautiful Girls - A. McCall Smith
The Hotel New Hampshire - J.Irving
Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter - M Vargas Llosa
Two For The Lions - Lindsey Davis
Tragically I was an Only Twin - The Complete Peter Cook, Ed. William Cook
The Kalahari Typing School For Men - A. McCall Smith
Martin Chuzzlewit - Charles Dickens
The Full Cupboard Of Life - A. McCall Smith
The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-Time - Mark Haddon
The Course Of Honour - Lindsey Davis
Flashman and The Tiger - George MacDonald Fraser
The Emperor's Tomb - Joseph Roth
The Accidental Tourist -Anne Tyler
Pride And Prejudice - Jane Austen
The Children of Dynmouth - William Trevor
August - Gerard Woodward (couldn't finish it)
General Gordon's Khartoum Diary - ed. Lord Elton
Breathing Lessons - Anne Tyler
Coming Up For Air - George Orwell
The Good Soldier Svejk - Jaroslav Hasek
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